Preliminary Walkthroughs For The 4th Of July 2014 Mini Event

Giuseppe Granfinali.png

I’m still working on the event page for our latest event but in the meantime, here’s the walkthroughs for ALL of the 4th of July 2014 quests! This is a really, really long post so in an effort not to over run the main page with a huge post, please click continue reading to see the walkthroughs! The premium walkthroughs are also included in this post!

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 1

Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Apu, $100 worth of your most illegal poorly-made fireworks, please!
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png With federal agent Rex Banner snooping around town, I can no longer play the fireworks game.
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png This Independence Day, the only laws I plan on breaking relate to food safety and price gouging.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png The government can’t take away our fireworks just because they’re illegal!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Last time I checked, a little document called the U.S. Constitution guaranteed us the right to break any law we want, whenever we feel like it.
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png It most explicitly does not.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Exactly! If we can’t buy fireworks, then we’ll just have to make them ourselves
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 1” which is to “Build Giuseppe’s Workshop”. It takes 24 hours.

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 2

After tapping on Homer’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Guiseppe Granfinali, it’s your lucky day. Most characters as minor as you never get to see Springfield again.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Although that’s less and less true all the time.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Anyway, we want you to build the most ear-rattling, eyeball-bludgeoning, nose-somehow-obliterating fireworks ever made.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Would it help to have an extra set of hands? I got an “A” in second grade chemistry this year.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Chemistry? What-a the hell-a is that?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wait… you make your living playing with gunpowder all your life, and you have no idea what it’s made of?
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Ground-up demon, I always assume.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Okay, find me some-a books on this “chemistry”. Real old and out-of-date, like-a me.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Finally, a need only a second-rate public school library can fulfill!
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png Sixth-rate, actually. We just got our certification as a sixth-rate facility yesterday. We’re very proud.
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 2” which is to “Build Springfield Elementary”, “Make Lisa Read Outdated Chemistry Books”, and “Make Giuseppe Stock Up on ‘Fertilizer'”. It takes 4 hours.

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 3

After tapping on Lisa’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Mr. Granfinali, are we going to start making the fireworks anytime soon?
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png What does it LOOK-a like I’m-a doing?!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Sitting in a rocking chair having an animated argument with no one at all.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png That’s-a how I create my fireworks! I talk it-a over with the ghosts of all-a my brothers.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Once there were-a fifteen Granfinali boys. Now, only Giuseppe. All the others, gone. Blown up to God.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Are you sure you want to solicit advice from ghosts that died in fireworks accidents?
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png They tell-a Giuseppe what NOT to do. That is, when they are not screaming.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Apparently, getting-a blown up hurts bad, even after you’re dead.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Very comforting.
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 3” which is to “Make Giuseppe Invent a New Firework” and “Make Lisa Mix Dangerous Chemicals”. It takes 12 hours.

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 4

After tapping on Giuseppe’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Mama Mia! I just-a got an inspection-a notice from Town Hall.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png When they find-a the ‘works, they gonna take-a them away!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png This time the government has gone too far.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png If I can bring a loaded AR-15 into a nursery school — and thanks to the patriotism of dedicated nut cases, I can — why can’t I build explosives for pleasure?
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png To be fair, fireworks and firearms… they are not-a the same.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Well, they can both kill people. And THAT means I should be able to do whatever I want with them.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I’ll send out word that the government is trying to stop an honest citizen from playing with gunpowder.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png You watch what happens.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Oh boy…
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 4” which is to “Make Giuseppe Host a Fireworks Support” and “Make Republicans Attend the Fireworks Support Rally x5“. It takes 2 hours.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png The fireworks… they are-a gone!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png What’s happened?!
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png While we were demonstrating, somebody broke in and stole-a them.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png All our precious explode-o’s, blammers, and fizzle-booms… gone!

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 5

After tapping on Lisa’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Who would steal fireworks? Think, Lisa!
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Fear not. My family has an ancient, secret method for recovering lost fireworks.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png You see, the firework, she wants to be with others of her kind.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh… that seems unlikely. But go on…
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png We use the little firecracker to find-a the big firework.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Take-a the firecracker. Light-a the firecracker. Throw-a the firecracker.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Okay…
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png If you hear a super-big KA-BOOM!, you have found-a the missing fireworks. If not, move on and-a try again.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png And you say this is an ancient family technique?
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png My sisters were the fireworks finders in the family. But they are all dead now.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Let me guess — blown up by fireworks?
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Yes. What are the odds?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I’ve got my firework finding gear. Let’s go!
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 5” which is to “Make Giuseppe Search for Stolen Fireworks” and “Make Homer Search for Stolen Fireworks”. It takes 24 hours.

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 6

After tapping on Homer’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png The heck with it. If we don’t have explosions and the real possibility of accidental death, the Fourth is ruined.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I’m just going to go to work.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Cheer up, Dad. There are a few cans of lighter fluid in the garage.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png We could light those on fire and see what happens!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png That’ll make for a great America’s Birthday!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Nah. America stinks. We had a good run, but it’s over. It’s Ceylon’s turn now.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png I hate to see you so down. Tell you what — start a trash-can fire at work.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Maybe it’ll cause a runaway inferno, and you can salvage what’s left of Independence Day.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, work is usually good for an explosion or two.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Thank God I’m such a lousy safety inspector.
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 5” which is to “Build Control Building” and “Make Homer “Safely” do his Job”. It takes 16 hours.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Woo-hoo! Work was great!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Mr. Burns let me have a whole box of donuts if I promised not to tell anyone that he’s been using stolen fireworks for fuel.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png !!!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I know. It’s ridiculous, right? A whole box of donuts just for me…
MESSAGE: Oh fine, here’s a couple of doughnuts for you too, but don’t you DARE tell anyone, or we’ll take them back.

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 7

After tapping on Lisa’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png So! The man behind these mysterious thefts is none other than Mr. Burns!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png The very SAME Mr. Burns who is, without fail, behind absolutely every nefarious act in this town!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Tell me about it. The whole time I’m thinking, “It’s probably Mr. Burns, but we’re not really doing THAT story again, are we?”
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png And THEN I thought: “Well, if it DOES turn out to be Mr. Burns, for sure don’t point out how it’s ALWAYS Mr. Burns, because that just makes it seem EVEN WORSE.”
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png But then YOU pointed it out, so I pointed it out, and now it’s all anyone can think about.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Which is unfortunate.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Well, if-a Mr. Burns is the bad guy, then I’m-a gonna have words with him right now!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Ooh — I love when Italians get mad. They can say a thousand swears with their hands alone!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Watch and learn, Lis!
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 7” which is to “Make Giuseppe Confront Mr. Burns” and “Make Homer Butt into Giuseppe’s Business”. It takes 6 hours.
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Give-a me back my fireworks, evil skeleton!
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png And have them turned into a weapon against me? No, I’m not keen to see rockets exploding on my front porch.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png We don’t want to shoot them at you, silly!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png It’s the sky we want to blow up. And the sky’s no-good friend: clouds.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png I’m not talking about you.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png I simply can’t afford to have these fine explodables end up in the hands of my family’s mortal enemies.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Hi, Homer! Hi, Lisa! Hi, Italian person!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png And hello to you, Burnsy. Or should I call you… Dead Man?
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Yes, everyone, it’s true. The Spuckler clan and the Burns clan are a-feudin’ agin.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png The Burnses have fought the Spucklers down through the generations.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png At times the feud merely simmers. But it always flares anew at the slightest provocation.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png r. Burns! I didn’t realize you came from hillbilly stock.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Oh, I don’t.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png A mere three generations ago, the Spucklers were our rivals in Philadelphia high society.
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png They were one of the richest, most erudite families in America.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Ay-yup.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Then my grand pappy lost his railroad, and pretty soon we’s eatin’ shoe leather and possum, and findin’ we likes the taste!
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Our family fortunes may have diverged, but our hands are so steeped in Spuckler blood, and their hands in ours, that we will never truly live in peace.
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Sad but true. Well, I’m off. Kill ya later, Burns!
Tapped Out Mr. Burns Icon.png Kill you later, Cletus! Tell Brandine I’ll kill her later, too!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Will do!

 

Failure to Launch Pt. 8

After tapping on Giuseppe’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Well, all is not-a lost. I have a special surprise for you, Lisa.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png You don’t mean…
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png Yes! We are ready to show-a off our new firework!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png This is so exciting!
Tapped Out Giuseppe Icon.png You’re-a telling me! I’ve never fired spent-a nuclear fuel rods into the atmosphere before!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png I wish I didn’t know that’s what was happening.
The player receives “Failure to Launch Pt. 8” which is to “Make Giuseppe Show-Off a New Invention”. It takes 1 hour.

 

Happy Independence Day!

When the player logs in on 4th July 2014
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png On this very special day, we’d like to take a few moments to humbly celebrate the greatest nation on earth!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png China! No, wait — Germany! It’s Germany, isn’t it? …Russia? Man this is hard. Greatest nation on earth…
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Sweden?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Dad, I’m talking about America.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png What, this America? That’s nuts — by almost any measure we’ve fallen out of the top one-fifty.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I mean look at education, income equality, percentage of population in prison, access to medical care…
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Dad, not now! You’re bumming everyone out. I’m trying to be festive!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Oh right. Sorry, honey. Go ahead and lie about how good America is. I’ll back you all the way.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png *Cough* … Alright: “To Americans everywhere, Happy Fourth of July!”
MESSAGE: Regardless of where you are, enjoy these 5 sweet complimentary doughnuts!

 

Washington Overtime

If the player not has George Washington at July 16th.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Aw, I hate when holidays are over. All the Fourth of July stuff is gone.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Not all of it — George Washington is still around.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Oh yeah. I remember we had a hard time getting rid of Abraham Lincoln last year, too.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Is this guy serious?
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png That’s funny, because I could have SWORN I’m considered one of the greatest Presidents ever.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png But hey, maybe I’m wrong!
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Maybe having me around is a total drag. That seems to be Homer’s opinion, doesn’t it?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png No, sir. It’s an honor to have you here.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png I didn’t catch that? Could you repeat it?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png It’s a tremendous honor to have you in Springfield, Mr. One-of-the-Top-Two-Presidents- Ever.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Yeah. That’s what I THOUGHT you said.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png And by the way, you’re welcome for AMERICA STILL BEING A COUNTRY.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Stupid Lincoln.

 

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 1

After tapping on George Washington’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png “Previous to the execution of any official act of the President–“
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png WHAT THE? WHERE DID PHILADELPHIA GO? WHAT LAND IS THIS AND WHY IS “QUICKY MART” SPELLED SO ATROCIOUSLY?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Mr. Washington, you’ve been brought forward in time to the town of Springfield, in America.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png It seems to happen to ex-Presidents a lot.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Forward in time? How old is America?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Two hundred and forty-two years.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png You’re kidding me, right? That’s a joke? Because I told Jefferson I gave this country a decade. Tops.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png He was all: “Liberty is mankind’s natural state!” And I was “Yada yada yada… ten years, chump. Bank on it.”
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Still, it’s cool to be wrong! So, tell me about this town.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Springfield is named after its founder, Jebediah Springfield.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png You would’ve known him as ‘Hans Sprungfeld’ in your time.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png SPRUNGFELD?! THAT GUY HAS A TOWN NAMED AFTER HIM? Oh, man. Where is he?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png He’s going to be picking wooden teeth out of his neck for a month.
The player receives “Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 1” which is to “Make Washington Hunt for Jebediah Springfield”. It takes 24 hours.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Okay, so Sprungfeld is dead. Everyone I know is dead. I get it. So now what?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Professor Frink is trying to find a way to send you home. In the meantime…
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png You might find you like it here. Our previous ex-President seems very happy.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png You want to keep it down, please? I can barely hear myself split rails here, people.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Sheesh. That guy was President?!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Number sixteen.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png He’s so gangly-looking. Doesn’t really scream “President,” you know?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png I guess people will elect anything.

 

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 2

After tapping on George Washington’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png You know why America has a bicameral legislature, right?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh… because it’s a good way to keep power from consolidating in one body?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Nope. Because when we were tossing around ideas for a new government– just brain jamming, you know — some idiot throws out the term “bicameral legislature.”
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png And everybody just latches onto it.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png You know that thing where everyone’s trying to sound hip and smart by using the hot new term? So annoying!
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Every time I heard the words, I couldn’t decide whether to fall asleep or kill myself.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Just totally nuts. I voted for the thing just to shut everyone up.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png This is incredible! Our scholars need to know this stuff. You’ve got to commit your memories to paper.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Seriously, if I told you all the dirt I’ve got on John Adams, you’d flip your powdered wig. Dude was MESSED UP.
The player receives “Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 2” which is to “Make Washington Write a Tell-All”. It takes 4 hours.

 

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 3

After tapping on Lisa’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png I hope you’re not finding modern-day America too strange, Mr. Washington.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Nah.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png It’ll always be America, so long as people continue to live free, toss their excrement in the streets, and hate the British.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Actually England is our closest ally now.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png You want to repeat that, little lady?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh… we’ve had a lot of time to repair relations…
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png “Repair relations”? With a country that is way more powerful than us?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png AND wants nothing more than to make us her colony again?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Well, first of all, our military is a lot bigger than theirs now.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Then we should attack immediately, before they have time to raise conscripts!
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Unless, of course, you’d prefer to see musky-carrying redcoats on every street corner in the nation.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Summon my war council!
The player receives “Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 3” which is to “Make Washington Plan an Invasion of Britain”. It takes 8 hours.

 

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 4

After tapping on George Washington’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Okay, if our ships leave Boston tomorrow, we can reach England in two months.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png We’ll rendezvous with Hessian mercenaries — little girl, remind me to write a letter to Hessia, get that ball rolling.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Hessian mercenaries aren’t the military force they once were…
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png We will then move inland and seize the royal saltpeter mines.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png I’d like to see King George try to fight a war without saltpeter. Heh-heh-heh…
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png With a combined force of 20,000 we will easily subdue all of England.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png What do you think, Lisa Simpson? An elegant plan, no?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png You really think 20,000 men armed with muskets will do any good against tanks and machine guns and missiles?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png If we have enough horses, yes.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png I also plan on doubling gin rations, to boost morale. A drunk army is an effective army.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png All we need now is the men!
The player receives “Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 4” which is to “Make Washington Recruit an Army”. It takes 24 hours.

 

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 5

After tapping on George Washington’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Okay, I’ve been traveling door-to-door all day, and so far I’ve got ZERO recruits for my Grand Army of the Brit-Hating Republic.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png What’s happened to the England-detesting nation of proud Limey-stranglers I love? Where’s our fighting spirit?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Seriously. The English are our friends. Very nice people. Good music.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png And the most annoying thing?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Everyone’s just falling all over themselves to thank me: “You’re the Father of Our Country!” “Thank you, George Washington!”
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png If you love me so much, get in the boat and help me stick a cannon ball in Big Ben.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png George Washington! Thank you for everything, sir.
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Thank you for your wisdom, and your strength, and for being everything a man can be. I mean EVERYTHING!
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Uh-huh. Look, that’s very nice, but I’m just a guy. Happy to be of service. No need to go crazy, pal.
The player receives “Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 5” which is to “Make Washington Reject Praise”. It takes 6 hours.

 

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 6

After tapping on George Washington’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png George Washington! It’s really him! The greatest real-life superhero of all!
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png Thanks for being the best Founding Father a country could ask for! We love you!
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Fine. That’s very fine. Thank you. Go away.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png They’re just trying to show their appreciation, sir.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png But they act like I’m some sort of saint. It’s seriously creepy.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Did you know there are guys on the Supreme Court who think laws should be based on what me and my friends were thinking about more than two centuries ago?
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png We didn’t have electricity. And trust me — most of the time when we were writing constitutions and laws, we were thinking about what to order for dinner.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png I’m just a guy. And I’m really happy that America worked out so well. That rocks. But again, just a guy.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png Excuse me, Mr. Washington. I’m like your biggest fan ever, and–
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png I owned slaves. Did you know that? It stinks, but it’s true. So please leave me alone.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png Well, you must have had a very good reason.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR OWNING SLAVES. Augh! You people are beyond weird!
The player receives “Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 6” which is to “Make Washington Flee Admirers”. It takes 16 hours.

 

Ye Olde Cherry Tree

After tapping on George Washington’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Okay, still think I’m perfect? Watch this. This’ll prove I’m no saint. I’m going to cut down this cherry tree.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png Then, when you ask me if I cut it down, I AM GOING TO LIE ABOUT IT. There! Still think I’m all that?
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png But, sir, everyone KNOWS George Washington can’t tell a lie.
Tapped Out George Washington Icon.png WHAT GROWN MAN IS INCAPABLE OF LYING?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HERE, WATCH!
The player receives “Ye Olde Cherry Tree” which is to “Make Washington Cut Down a Cherry Tree”. It takes 12 hours.

 

Lincoln on Lincoln

After tapping on Abraham Lincoln’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Okay, that is literally the LAST design I would have approved for a Lincoln Memorial. What garbage!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png No, it’s nice! You look regal.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Exactly! I’m sitting on a throne!
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Correct me if I’m wrong, but I sorta thought the POINT of America was “no more guys on thrones.”
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh… but this is OUR throne. So maybe that makes it okay?
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Oh, and thanks for the MASSIVE GREEK TEMPLE.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png If there’s one thing I was ALL ABOUT, it was huge, loud, in-your-face Greek stuff.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png The whole “log cabin” thing? Yeah, total smokescreen. Glad you picked up on that. I was secretly into stone monstrosities the whole time.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png This is EXACTLY how I want to be remembered — as a higher-than-thou know-it-all who insisted that every word he uttered be ETCHED IN STONE FOR ALL TIME.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Well done!!!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Uh… hey look! Some rails that need splitting.
Tapped Out Abraham Lincoln Icon.png Huh? SWEET!
The player receives “Lincoln on Lincoln ” which is to “Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails”. It takes 8 hours.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 1

After tapping on Rex Banner’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Citizens of Springfield, fear not!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png No longer will airborne displays of fireworks-related Technicolor splendor haunt your nights!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Federal agent Rex Banner!?
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Here to stop the flow of illegal fireworks into Springfield and bring the Bottle Rocket Barons to their knees.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Well, that’ll be nice. They’re kind of a nuisance.
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Nuisance? You call sporadic incidents of mild to moderate noise pollution a NUISANCE?
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png They’re the greatest threat to the American way of life since loitering!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png And nothing will stop me from ending this scourge!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Unless it is my debilitating addiction to refined sugars!
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 1” which is to “Make Rex Banner Interrogate Flanders”. It takes 8 hours.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 2

After tapping on Apu’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png Sales of fireworks are up 3,000%! This holiday is proving most profitable!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png I’ve traced the fireworks to this Kwik-E-Mart. Time to see what we can see…
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png Great Ganesh! Super-cop Rex Banner is hot on my trail! I’d better hide the evidence.
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 2” which is to “Make Apu Hide the Fireworks Behind the Malt Liquor” and “Make Rex Banner Stake Out the Kwik-E-Mart”. It takes 4 and 12 hours respectively.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 3

After tapping on Rex Banner’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Reach for the sky, Nahasapeemapetilon!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png I know you’re the gunpowder-drunk mastermind of this fireworks racket!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Come clean — you’re the one they call the Rocket Rajah. The Bengal Blaster. Pyrotechnic ‘Pu.
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png I see. Because of my ethnicity and name, you assume this person must be me. That, sir, is profiling!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png I’m an old-timey cop. Profiling is ninety percent of my skill set.
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png And we call it by its proper name: good ol’ red-blooded, American racism.
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 3” which is to “Make Apu Hide the Fireworks Behind the Malt Liquor” and “Make Rex Banner Stake Out the Kwik-E-Mart”. It takes 4 and 12 hours respectively.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 4

After tapping on Homer’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Release Apu, Rex Banner!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I’ve discovered the true identity of the fireworks smuggler — Ned Flanders!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Arrest him and interrogate him for hours and hours!
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Let’s go, boys!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png And… he’s gone. Woo-hoo! Come on, everybody — the coast is clear! Let’s buy some boom!
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 4” which is to “Make Rex Banner Interrogate Flanders” and “Send Springfield Residents to Buy Fireworks(x10)“. It takes 1 and 8 hours.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 5

After tapping on Rex Banner’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Hands where I can see them, Apu! I’m taking you in!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Wait! That man is innocent!
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png I’ve just found an old town law from 1803 which expressly permits “the sale and detonation of pyrotechnic devices for one month following June 4.”
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png What’s so special about the Fourth of June?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png June 4th was King George III of England’s birthday.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Springfield was the only town in the nation that voted 182 times to return to British rule.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png We’ve always been America’s cowards.
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Well, at least there’s one thing this town is still good for.
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 5” which is to “Make Rex Eat a Banana Kaboom”. It takes 4 hours.

 

Paranoid Android Redux

After tapping on Homer’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Rex Banner!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I’ve again discovered a nefarious smuggling ring — far too intricate to detail here — that is headed by our own Ned Flanders!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Arrest Ned Flanders at once! And interrogate him for a really, really long time!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png But not in a scary, painful, illegal way like the CIA does.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Just, you know, keep him out of my hair while football’s on.
Tapped Out Rex Banner Icon.png Will do, patriotic citizen!
The player receives “Paranoid Android Redux” which is to “Make Rex Banner Interrogate Flanders”. It takes 8 hours.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 6

After tapping on Apu’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png Now that this awful business with the authorities has blown over, it’s time to restock!
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 6” which is to “Make Apu Stock Up on Illegal Fireworks”. It takes 24 hours.

 

The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 7

After tapping on Apu’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Apu Icon.png I am happy to announce I am open for business once again!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Woo-hoo!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I haven’t blown anything up in a couple of hours, this was starting to feel like a Canada Day celebration…
The player receives “The Rocket’s Red Glare Redux Pt. 7” which is to “Make Apu Turn a Profit” and “Send Springfield Residents to Buy Fireworks *x10“. It takes 12 and 1 hour respectively.

 

Bring on the Revolution!

After tapping on Skinner’s exclamation mark
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png Patty, I know things didn’t work out on our last date, but I wonder if you’d be interested in giving it another shot?
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png That date was twenty years ago. Also I’m Selma, not Patty.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png The straight one? Even better!
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png Back off, bub. In case you haven’t noticed, in this new Springfield single women are a hot commodity.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png And rightfully so! That’s why I want to take you out to the hottest new spot in town.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png You might even call it revolutionary!
The player receives “Bring on the Revolution!” which is to “Make Skinner and Selma Dine at the Revolving Restaurant”. It takes 4 hours.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png So what did you think?
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png The food was okay. But the prices were ridiculous.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png Well, that restaurant DID cost ten million to build.
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png Whatever. You paid, so I don’t care.
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4 thoughts on “Preliminary Walkthroughs For The 4th Of July 2014 Mini Event

    • Right? What is going to happen on 11th July (random date – they could have made the donut items earmarked for then available with the other items) I wonder if Gil will appear again on the 11th. Hmmmm…

    • I’m not sure, they’ve never announced them in advance so there’s no way of knowing for sure. That being said, they haven’t done one in a while so in theory there could be one soon. However, Gil was just in our towns and he doesn’t come by very often so I’m not too sure, sorry! 😦

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