Walkthrough: The Joy of Gossip

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 1

After tapping on Milhouse’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Bart! The new issue of Radioactive Woman is out!
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Women can’t be superheroes! Whoever heard of women in tights?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Supposedly on the cover you can see upper thigh and even, dare I say, lower butt.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png I think I’m coming around to the idea of female superheroes. It’s largely butt related.
Tapped Out Comic Book Guy Icon.png This is my last copy, and I simply cannot let it go for less than TWENTY DOLLARS!
Tapped Out Comic Book Guy Icon.png I also accept Galactic credits, dwarven runes, and microwave burritos.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Aw! I had $20, but I spent it on a collection of commemorative state quarters.
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png You spent $20 on $12.50 in quarters?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Markets fluctuate, Lisa. Who knows how much a quarter will be worth next week?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png 25 cents.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Nuts, I don’t know anything about finances!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I mean, I talk the talk, but I can’t walk the walk. Probably because of all the quarters in my pockets.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Well, we’re in luck! Helen Lovejoy is up next and she knows more about investments than I know about analogies.
Task: Build Municipal House of Pancakes
If the user doesn’t have Luann unlocked:
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png I’ve searched everywhere! The Jacuzzi suit store, the American Gladiator’s green room, the Shelbyville eyebrow outlet, and I can’t find Luann!
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png We cannot hold an Investorettes meeting without the full membership present.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Take it up with the Great Man in the Sky who hasn’t forked over the donuts to bring her back to life.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Was that Ezekiel 3:17? Bart, I didn’t know you were so well versed in Bible quotes.
MESSAGE: Will the Investorettes get two new members? Complete the Investorettes club to find out!

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 2

After tapping on Helen Lovejoy’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Helen, my prayers have been answered! You’re finally here…
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png …and holding a perfectly seasoned roast beef sandwich?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png No, just me.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Well, one of my prayers was answered.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Although, you seem troubled by something.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png It’s just, well, I’ve been in limbo for so long that I feel like I don’t even know this town anymore.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png How has everyone gone about with their business without my nose in it? I need a glass of fresh squeezed juicy gossip!
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Perhaps Marge Simpson could be of service. She’s both up to speed on the town’s affairs, and not up to speed on mine.
Task: Make Helen Make Marge Spill the Beans.
On job start:
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Oh, Marge Simpson! How lovely to see you!
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I wish I could say the same thing to you, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t lie.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Oh Marge, you big jokester. So you’ll only be lying to yourself from now on then?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png But enough about us — let’s talk about other people! Give me the gossip!
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Hmmmm…
On job end:
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Well, the big news in Springfield is that people seem to be turning up in order of importance.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Nonsense. If that’s the case I would have been home AGES ago.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Would you?

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 3

After tapping on Helen Lovejoy’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Order of importance?!
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png How could I be LESS important than a politician’s spoiled nephew or some juvenile delinquents?!? I have a first AND last name for goodness sake.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png That a perfect lady such as myself, who only thinks of others, could be seen as LESS important than an old, uneducated stripper?
Tapped Out Mrs. Muntz Icon.png Who are you callin’ educated?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png I said UN-educated.
Tapped Out Mrs. Muntz Icon.png Oh. Carry on then.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png What are we teaching our children?!
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Oh won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children!
Task: Make Helen Think of the Children.

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 4

After tapping on Helen Lovejoy’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Helen, you are the most important person to me. Isn’t that enough?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png There’s a fire. You can either save me or your Christmas coal train car. Which do you save?
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Let’s not go down this road again, Helen.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png I can’t believe that fat slob Homer Simpson is the most important person in Springfield.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Calm yourself, Helen. He isn’t even a premium character.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Premium? Oh I like the sound of that!
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Clearly, there was a mistake. I should be a premium character!
Task: Make Helen Apply for Premium Status
Tapped Out Patty Icon.png Premium status? Lady, this is the DMV. Does anyone here look premium to you?
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png Now if you’re looking for an eye test or novelty license plate, then maybe we can help.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Hmm, perhaps I could use a new license plate.
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png Great! In that case…
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png …you’re in the wrong line.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Ugh. Just tell me where to go to get premium status.
Tapped Out Selma Icon.png Only a being of supreme power could grant you premium status. Maybe a postmaster general, but definitely not the DMV.

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 5

After tapping on Helen Lovejoy’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png I don’t know why I thought the government was the answer. I need help from a higher power!
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png God?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png What?! Is He in this game before me too?
Task: Make Helen Plead with a Higher Power
On job start:
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Oh great one, hear my wishes!
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png I’ve been good, followed all the rules, publically shamed people for the things they do in private, and for this I believe I should be rewarded.
On job end:
Tapped Out Database Icon.png Look, lady. I don’t know who gave you my information, but that’s not how things are done around here.
Tapped Out Database Icon.png There are strategy meetings, lawyers, names picked out of hats…
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png PLEASE!
Tapped Out Database Icon.png Fine! But don’t say a nerd never did anything for you.

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 6

After tapping on Helen Lovejoy’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Database Icon.png Now we just have to access your character data from the debug menu and set your status to premium.
Tapped Out Database Icon.png Although you WILL need to be re-acquired through the Premium Stuff Menu.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Is it going to hurt?
Tapped Out Database Icon.png No, but there’s a small chance it would create a paradox, which could destroy the entire universe!
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png But, I’d be premium?
Tapped Out Database Icon.png If the universe explodes, no one will be premium.
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png That’s fine too. Flip the switch!
Tapped Out Database Icon.png There is no switch. It’s actually a complicated system of 1s and 0s that diverts the CSS stylesheet…
Tapped Out Database Icon.png …whatever, it’s done.
Task: Get Helen Lovejoy from the Premium Menu.
Tapped Out Premium Helen Lovejoy.png
After “buying” her:
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png It worked! I’m a PREMIUM character! I’ve never felt so important in all my life.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Um, Database, she’s not REALLY a premium character… right?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png People get mad around here when we change the price of houses. They’d go ballistic over that!
Tapped Out Database Icon.png Well, she’s not technically premium but… Hey! Look over there!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Ooh! That cloud looks like a rabbit!
Tapped Out Database Icon.png Whew. Saved once again by my rabbit-shaped cloud emulation software.

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 7

After tapping on Helen Lovejoy’s exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png You look to be in much better spirits, my dear.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Did you discover some photos of a neighbor in a compromising position?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png Oh, much better than that. I just had myself turned premium.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Good for you. What do you say I make a reservation at the Gilded Truffle for my gilded lily?
Tapped Out Helen Lovejoy Icon.png I have a better idea… do you still have that half mattress we got from the Simpsons?
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Another reason I’m glad I’m not Catholic!
Task: Make Helen “Worship” Alongside Rev. Lovejoy.
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